Franchise Follies

New Coaching Franchise; C4FC's

Tad Sweetbreath

Franchise coaching veteran Tad Sweetbreath has come up with the best idea (In this bloggers opinion) this year.

A coaching franchise for franchise coaches.

C4FC's is the name of his concept. Snappy, huh?

Let's think about this for a moment. If you have read any of the articles about the franchise coaching industry that have been published, you'll notice a common theme;

A lot of folks who invested in coaching franchises have either gone out of business, or are struggling. Tad knows why;

"Joel, they were never trained right, and I aim to change that, " he said.

I pressed Tad about what he plans on doing. Here's what he said;

"I am going to make men out of these folks. I don't even care if they are women! If they were sold on the idea that all they have to do is find prospects who will gladly pay $2,000, $3,000, even $6,000 a month for their services, but they can't seem to find easy prey, I'll show them how to bait their hooks, and find those darn fish. 

It's easy..I have developed a boot camp just for them. If they are average at sales, or worse-below average, I will show them how it's done. My techniques are not for the meek. "

I asked Tad to to elaborate. Here's what he said, and this may be controversial;

"Joel, have you ever heard the saying that if you don't sell, you don't eat?"

I said "yes, of course I have."

Well my in my C4FC's Boot Camp, if they don't learn how to sell the way that I teach them, I won't feed them. The program lasts 13 weeks, and they could lose some serious weight if they don't learn how to do things my way."

That may seem harsh folks, but Tad added that "Is not eating for 12-13 weeks worse that investing in a coaching franchise that you never should have invested in? Talk about not eating..."

Tad may be on to something.

Total investment for the C4FC's franchise is $75,000

To learn more, you may write to him at his Las Vegas estate;

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10558105@N03/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

Master Tad Sweetbreath

65667 North Tracy Blvd.

Las Vegas, Nevada 89166

New Competition For Famous Donut Franchise Chain! 1984' Donuts

                   1984

This brand new franchise offering is putting a new meaning to the popular online industry buzzword, "transparent."

In the internet world, which is full of blogs, wikis, community forums, and the like, the word transparent means that all the folks involved in putting any type of content out online be forthright in the way they are putting said content out.

In other words, if a link like this happens to go to a product in which the owner of the blog or website gets paid a commission when someone buys said product, it should be disclosed somewhere on the site or blog. That's called being "transparent." 

Now, check out how this brand new donut franchise is being transparent...

Is Palin Buying A Cold Stone Creamery?

                                                                                                         

From Franchise Pick;

"Unconfirmed, unqualified and unlikely sources close to FranchisePick.com are abuzz with rumors that Sarah Palin has decided not to run for re-election and to resign her post as Governor of Alaska in order to pursue the American Dream of business ownership as a franchise owner. Is this a rumor? or...

Continue reading.

Another idea for a Sarah Palin franchise.

Right Here

Check out www.TheAlaskaFranchiseCenter.com

1-800 Puke-Off Franchise Sells It's 6th Franchise!

Think about it. How many bar patrons are puking, on an international basis, during the time it will take you to read this important article on a newly launched franchise?

                                                                                                                               

I have the figures. Well, actually I got them from the President and CEO of a newly launched franchise out of Brisbane, Australia. I interviewed Frumtha Outback via Hype, {FREE Call!} to find out about this new "opportunity."

The Franchise King: Frumtha, I understand that you just sold your 5 and 6th franchise of 1-800-Puke-Off to an Italian millionaire. How did this come about?

Frumtha: Sgullia Mentennoni found out about us after he attended a weekend party on a friend's yacht. Sgullia's friend has weekly parties with 50-60 friends and celebrities in attendance.

                                                                                                                       

{Courtesy of Befuddle.com}

The Franchise King: So I take that the parties get pretty wild?

Frumtha: Yes, lots of drinking etc. and lots of puking!

The Franchise King: So let me guess; 1-800-Puke-Off has their "technicians" go into these yacths and do some serious cleanups the next morning, right?

Frumtha: You really are The Franchise King! Yes you are right, and yachts are just one of the places that puking happens.There are of course bars, lounges, concert venues etc. Wherever there are idiots that are drinking too much, 1-800-Puke-Off is there!

The Franchise King: How much does 1-800-Puke-Off charge for their cleanups?

Frumtha: That is the best part. We sell our clean up services by yearly subscription. Pricing is done by total square vomit area coverage. {TSVAC} The average yearly subscription is only $2800. A small price to pay for cleanliness.

The Franchise King: This sounds like a great service. What is the franchise investment?

Frumtha: The total investment for a 1-800-Puke-Off franchise is $555,000.

The Franchise King: Now, I'm getting nauseated. 

Frumtha: I know. I did that on purpose. Everybody pukes when they hear our investment amount, which enables us to show them how our process works. Would you like to see it?

The Franchise King: No.

For more information on this interesting franchise concept, call 1-800-Puke-Off.

Cold Pizza's Are Hot Franchises!

{This fantastic article is written by Sean Kelly. I generally approve of his messages. Unless it is a leap year. And I don't approve of this one.}

                                       

                    Mr. Kelly

American consumers love pizza.  They love a bargain.  And they love to see people worse off than themselves.

Now, QuickCo Franchising has combined America’s passion for pizza, low prices and the misfortune of others into one exciting concept:  Cold Stone Pizza!

If you’re looking for a lucrative way to combine your love of money with your disregard for your fellow man, the Cold Stone Pizza franchise is the opportunity you’ve been looking for!

A flash of inspiration from Earth’s #1 millionaire-maker

What inspired this genius idea?  America’s beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. says “I was reading the moronic website Franchise Pick.  There was a big uproar about some Pizza Time franchisee who makes his pizza shop employees work in sub-freezing temperatures without heat.  I thought:  What’s the big deal?  None of these altruists were offering to pay an extra buck a pizza to heat the pizza peons. I thought:  If these phonies thought they’d save 50 cents, they’d make’m work without lights, too.”

Continue reading this wonderful article

Bully Busters Franchise!

                                                                                                                        

Remember when you were in elementary school, and you got picked on by the local neighborhood bully?

Remember saying to yourself, "I sure wish someone could help me out and kick this guy's or gal's a_ s!'

Well, because you are now old, you cannot take advantage of a new franchise offering that your kid's can use. {And you'll pay for}

It's called Bully Busters, and here's the description:

Bully Busters is a home based franchise opportunity that provides a much needed service to school-aged children who are experiencing constant intimidation and beatings by bullies.

For only $175.00 a month, {4 Month Minimum} Bully Busters will provide some muscle to help rid your child of a menacing bully. Basically, the Busters will provide around the clock surveillance for your child, and your peace of mind. The Buster will always be within 50 feet of your child, so he or she may step in and ward off any bully attacks. This works, as the Busters are a minimum height of 6 foot 6, and have a minimum weight requirement of 275 lbs.

The local franchise owner "contracts" with locally based tough guys and gals, and splits the fees with them, 50-50. How are they located?

" That is part of our secret sauce", says Bully Busters CMO Mike Jysone. " {Chief Muscle Officer} We have connections everywhere."

So, what is the total investment for this up and coming franchise, that already has locations in the Bronx, and  New York City's Chinatown?

The total investment is only $125,000, which includes training, insurance, and the services of a local Bail Bonds company, just in case things get a tad out of hand.

Don't you wish this neat franchise was around when your butt was getting kicked around by bullies, not so many years ago?

Your kids will really thank you!

For more information on becoming a Bully Busters franchise owner, call 1-866-KickAss. or email, Mr. Jysone, and Mtysone at motmail.com

The Eraser Store!

What an idea! What a way to start out 2009!

                                                                                                                

This could save the franchise industry!

Billy Bridgestone, a rubber magnate, contacted this serious franchise blogger with the news of this new, and viable franchise concept. Here is what Billy told me:

"Joel, I came up with the idea for The Eraser Store, last April. I was riding around in my little old car, and all of a sudden I realized that no city I had ever visited in this beautiful world of ours ever offered just erasers for pencils and pens. The stores that I stopped in always had what I always thought were meaningless little add-on's just there to add profit to their bottom lines. {Not that profit is a dirty word}

I mean Joel, who would want to buy a ruler, calculator, pens, pencils, or even paper, at the same time they were just in the store to buy an eraser or two? It reeks of capitalism. {Not that there is anything wrong with that}"

I pressed Billy further:

"Billy, I agree with your assessment that the industry seems to take advantage of the lowly eraser buyer. How much is one of your franchises going to cost a franchisee?"

"Joel, Joel, Joel. You are called The Franchise King, and you still don't seem to get it! The cost is not an issue."

"Billy, The King is really confused. Is your franchise offering going to be free?"

"Of course not, your Royal pain in the...er Majesty.The total cost to set up 1 Eraser Store franchise is only $540k." In these terrific economic times, that is really a low investment."

"I agree that the economic times we are experiencing, even in the franchise industry, are incredible, and very very good. But $540,000 seems a little high. What does a franchisee get?"

"Erasers. They get over 220,000 different erasers to sell, plus our proprietary point of sale terminals, real estate design and layout, and a giant, unprotected territory of 10,000 people!"

"WOW! Where do I sign? I'm kidding. {You would first need to send me the Franchise Disclosure Document FDD. It has to be legal right?} The Eraser Store does sound like a great idea, and I do feel that there is a huge need for erasers."

"Yes, Joel, you are right. Can I purchase an advertisement on your award winning blog, The Franchise King Blog?'

"No"

For more information on this fab opportunity, call Billy Bridgestone at 1-877- EraseMe.

Update:

The Eraser Store website was just about to go live, when someone erased it.....

New Franchise! "The 12 Days Of Christmas Store"

                                                                                                

When I first found out about this new franchise, I just couldn't believe it! A Christmas-themed retail store that is perfect for the prospective franchise owner that wants the ultimate in flexible, part-time hours...And, it's seasonal! 

The 12 Days Of Christmas franchise was started in 2007 by Kendra Kringle, a direct descendant of Chris Kringle, also knows as ...well....you know....

Here is how this franchise is described in the 2008 Franchise 211 rankings :

For an investment of only $249k, you can own a piece of The American Dream. In this case, enjoy the benefits of the Christmas shopping season, which can account for almost 50% of a store's annual sales. But, instead of slogging through the other 11 months of average sales, our franchise opportunity enables you, the franchise owner, to only be open the busiest 12 days of the year, Dec. 12th, through Dec. 24th!

That's right, you invest your $249k, and are a part-time franchise owner! Just think of all the great benefits:

• You are off 353 days a year
• You only need to order enough inventory for 12 days
• It does not matter what you sell. You decide..
• Employees are easy to find. Who wouldn't want 353 days off?
• Zoning laws don't apply. You are only at your location for 12 days.
• Low tax burden, or even no tax burden. By the time the city tries to collect, your store has closed.  

Those are only a few of the benefits. Think of this as the ultimate mobile, part-time, low-risk opportunity.

Our real estate executives are top notch. They assist with site location, and introduce you to some real shark sharp lawyers.

Here is another thing that is attracting a lot of attention to our franchise offering. A direct descendant of Chris Kringle is the CEO! How great is that? Kendra Kringle is heavily involved in charity work, and is even one of the first franchise executives to embrace social media. She is on Twitter, Facebook, Ning, Ling, and even Zing. She is known in franchise circles as "The Candy Lady." {Nobody knows why}

For more information on this wonderful, seasonal franchise, write a short letter describing your talents, and qualifications, and address it to:

Kendra Kringle
The North Freeking Pole
The Artic Circle

No need to include your return address. She knows where you live, and she knows if you have been bad or good.

New Franchise Broker Franchise! Fran-Knot!

             

We Need More of These!                                                                                                        

With the economy in a tailspin, there has probably been no better time to start a new franchise brokerage company than now!

My statistics tell the story:

1. The first franchise brokerage/consulting groups started appearing right around 87'. {Not 1887}
2. From 1987-1995, about 200 franchise brokers were in business for themselves.
3. By 2001, the numbers increased to almost 500 brokers, but now the internet was starting to be used to find prospective franchise owners. The term "franchise lead" was coined.
4. 2003-2007 saw the number of franchise brokers reach their all time high of almost 2000.
   

So????

During this exciting era in franchising, hundreds of new, yet unproven concepts were introduced to the general public, and some of these broker groups contracted with these new, unproven concepts, also. Great stuff.

However, while these franchise brokers were learning about these new, once again, unproven concepts, they started questioning the viability of their own concepts...namely "the franchise broker as a franchise owner" concept.

Some of the advertisements produced by this huge group of new franchise broker "franchises" included;

• Promises of $200k yearly income, from the comforts of your own home!
• Virtually no competition!
• Franchise leads provided!
• 2 full days of training!
• Hundreds of concepts to represent
• And much, much, more

Sounds kind of like MLM, huh? Well, according to Harry Towel, the president of one of the most famous franchise brokerage franchises ever, this industry is rocking! Here is what he told this reporter:

"Lawsuits aside, I have helped hundreds of people get into the franchise consulting business, regardless of their financial condition, or their experience in the franchise industry. I have found that it really doesn't matter what one of my franchisees used to do. What matters is their ability to sell freekin franchises."

Another franchise broker franchisor, who preferred to remain anonymous told this reporter:

"As much as I despise Towel, and what he stands for, he is absolutely right. It is all about selling freekin franchises. But, I would like to add one more thing. It is also about keeping me fat and happy. I want to remain rich, and am a greedy SOB." As a matter of fact, my franchisees have the same philosophy. They want to make tons of money, too!"

So, is there still oodles of cash to be made in franchise brokerage?

The newest franchisor of franchises that sell franchises by franchisees is aply named, Fran-Knot. 

Fran-Knot's President, Phil Strongarm told me that Fran-Knot is different than all of the other 120 franchise brokerage franchises, and that even in a bad economy, franchises are sold.

Here are the Fran-Knot differences:

1. Fran-Knot is not really a franchise. It is only a conglomerate of rich guys that want to help spread the wealth to other wannabe rich guys.
2. The upfront franchise fee is a lot lower than the others. {By $12.00}
3. Fran-Knot cares about lots of stuff
4. Fran-Knot is aligned with Cuppy's, a famous franchise
5. Fran-Knot avoids franchises with more than 20 franchisees. They don't know why, but it sounds cool.

For more information, contact the Franchise Sales Division of Fran-Knot at:

 1-900-FrnKnot 

A Vista Problem Solution Franchise To Own!

              YUR Vista Mista?

The number of Vista equipped personal computers are projected to increase at a rapid rate, according to Microsoft's new Director of Franchise Development, Donald Rickles.  Don, known for his brash humor, thinks that this is a great time to launch this new franchise concept.  With 3 franchises sold already, this young franchisor is banking on the fact that the Vista operating system will continue to have serious operational bugs for the next 10-12 years, positioning this timely franchise concept at just the right spot.

This writer asked Mr. Rickles if this franchise idea had the makings of a franchise fad;

"I think that is a great question. Especially coming from a loser like you. We don't invest in fads."

I didn't let up;

"Mr Rickels, hasn't your company lost some market share to a certain fruit related computer manufacturer, because of your company's focus on faddish type software and mainframe computing products"?

"Mr. Libava, isn't the blog you are going to publish this story on a fad, too? You obviously are the weak cog in franchise reporting, and somewhat of a fad yourself, right"?  

I don't know why he attacked me, but I must of hit a soft spot, or in his case, a big bald spot. What a hockey puck!

Future franchisees should have computer aptitude, including a good grasp of Linux and Java. A complete understanding of Binomial Coefficients in  Pascals Triangle is required, along with the patience of a saint or two. Total investment- $110k, including  a computer lab, and 100 entries to the $15k Apple Store Shopping Spree Sweepstakes. The numbers don't lie on this one, folks. This won't be a fad.

{Did you know that this blogger used to be in the restaurant business? Well, in the early 1980's, I worked at one of Cleveland's top gourmet restaurants. One evening, I had the opportunity to take care of the real Don Rickles. He was in town performing, and he was taken to our restaurant by the then owner of the Cleveland Browns, Art Modell. Both of their wives were in attendance. Mr. Rickles was a hoot. As they were leaving the restaurant, I happened to be standing by the front desk, The phone rang, and Rickles wasted no time, and picked it up! He told the person who was calling that "our restaurant was terrible, and he shouldn't waste his time!" He also said he was "Don Rickles" but by then it was too late. It was one of my more memorable moments during my 12 year stint in the food biz.}